I am an overthinker. My friend once sent me a meme that read, “Let me overthink this.” When I went to buy some throw pillows she said, “You know the store closes at 9pm.” It was noon. After thinking about this tendency (okay overthinking!) I decided I needed to get to the root of the problem. Enter lack of confidence. My inability to make a decision was a direct result of my inability to trust myself. If you’ve taken my class lately, you may have noticed poses like Star Pose, Warrior Three or Half Moon. These poses are called power poses. They expand our energy outward or upward. But there are other poses beneficial in building confidence… backbends.
Backbends are tricky. I cannot remember the last time I did a deep backbend. I have a cranky low back and a sore neck from years of overuse. There is more movement in the neck and low back therefore these places are more prone to injury. The midback, which contains the ribcage to protect important organs such as the heart and lungs, is less bendy and precisely where we need to strengthen and open. Constantly hunching over our computers and phones only exacerbates the problem by tightening the pectoral muscles. But that is not the only reason why backbends are tricky. They can trigger stuff.
After listening to the podcast Archetypes, with Meghan Markle, I decided to revisit these energetic buggers, I mean, bends. Markle was interviewing one of my favorite meditation teachers, Dr. Tara Brach, on how to change the way we think. Dr. Brach mentioned a concept that caught my attention, a strong back and a soft front (a phrase she learned from Buddhist teacher, Joan Halifax). A strong back and a soft front is the ability to stay open and present to what is happening in the moment. Brene Brown, explains this concept beautifully as holding tension between two opposing feelings such as tough and tender or grit and grace or brave and scared. In yoga, this practice is referred to as sthira and sukha or effort and ease. The root stha means “to stand” or “to be firm.” The root su “good” and kha “space” literally mean the good space, which I like to think of as the heart. Essentially, standing firm with an open heart.
However, maintaining these opposing forces can be difficult, especially when holding a pose for several breaths or remaining compassionate and fully present in the heat of an argument. We may have a strong urge to pull away from the person or challenge. This conditioning keeps us stuck, just like my inability to make a decision because of the fear that something will go wrong. (Even something as insignificant as the wrong throw pillows!) These tendencies and limiting beliefs keep us contracted and closed off, not only from ourselves but others. Brene Brown, well-known for her research on vulnerability, explains that “our deepest human need is to be seen by other people so if we are all armored up we can’t be seen.”
Vulnerability is at the core of having a soft front. If you’ve ever done a backbend and felt a rush of emotion or adrenaline, it is because two things are happening, you are stimulating your adrenal glands (responsible for regulating your response to stress), and you are exposing your heart. The next time you are in a yoga class, notice your initial reaction after a strong backbend, which perfectly demonstrates these opposing forces. And by all means keep your core activated and focus on your upper back muscles. While your reaction may be to quickly counter the backbend with a forward bend, pause and go easy. Not only is this healthier for the spine, but it allows the opportunity to observe what is coming up before pulling away. If you find that backbends cannot be safely done, try side bends which provide a similar energetic effect.
The beauty of yoga is its ability to mirror our life experiences. When we can change our habits on the mat, we can more easily change our habits off the mat. What may seem like a Herculean effort, a strong backbend or remaining compassionate in a heated discussion, will eventually become easier as new neural pathways become stronger, as well as your back! And as these changes become easier, give yourself a pat on your strong back and a gentle hand to your soft heart, for not only strengthening and opening your body, but also your mind.